Sarah is a self-employed hair stylist who’s watched her business decrease by 50 percent. She’s cut expenses, but is stuck in a costly lease she can’t afford. She’s also worried about losing her home, and says her anxiety is “through the roof.” Frank and Marilyn have well-paid jobs, and she believes that they will weather the economic downturn. However, Frank is so afraid that one of them will lose their job that he has stopped paying anything but basic bills and recently yelled at Marilyn for going to the dentist. If you have had to tighten your belt, like Sarah, it’s normal to experience anxiety. And when you read every day about failing businesses and people losing their jobs, you can understand that Frank would fear losing theirs. Money is connected with security, a basic need. And when our basic needs are threatened, we feel alarmed. Although uncomfortable, anxiety isn’t all bad. Mild anxiety can actually motivate us to take positive action. Indeed, that seems to be its role. We can’t let go of what’s bothering us until we face the situation, and then we often find that the anxiety has lessened or gone away. But severe anxiety is different. It’s debilitating. And when anxiety interferes in our lives it can be a disorder. If you have these symptoms of anxiety disorder, you might want to seek professional help:
Use Anxiety Productively to Ease It If your anxiety is mild or moderate, these strategies can help reduce it by using anxiety as a spur for action. Face any money issues. Fighting yourself in a down economy adds insult to injury. Seek support and learning in therapy, Debtors Anonymous, and books such as Get Out of Debt, Stay Out of Debt and Live Prosperously, by Jerrold Mundis
1. The only way I can successfully manage my life is to take care of myself physically and emotionally.
he hadn’t known that, and how would viewing the commercial satisfy his desire? She’s trying to figure all this out, why he got so mad, what she can do to fix it. “Sorry,” she says. "I thought you hated commercials.” He turns to her, calls her an idiot and an obscene name, heads for the door, then slams it behind him. Now, she’s even more confused, remembering all the times he’s complained about commercials. Didn’t he just say last week that he wanted a DVR so he could skip them? But Sarah’s afraid to say that, to set him off again, so she just stares blankly at the screen. Like many in verbally abusive relationships, Sarah thinks that if only she changed, she communicated more clearly, she explained things better, her husband wouldn’t get so mad at her. But as Patricia Evans, author of The Verbally Abusive Relationship, explains, abuse victims don’t realize that the problem isn’t theirs: it’s in the abuser’s need to dominate and control. When Sarah's husband yells at her for no reason, she thinks he’s misunderstood her. She doesn’t realize that he’s not looking for understanding, he’s establishing his power over her. Sarah’s story exhibits several of the hallmarks of verbal abuse:
play along.
There is one hard and fast rule when it comes to coping with the death of someone you love: there are no rules. Every death is different, and every relationship is different, so the way each of us experiences loss and grief will be different. Grief is a journey, and when someone dies, those of us who mourn will take that journey in a unique way. It’s a journey through some of the most emotionally intense and painful passages of life, and sometimes it will seem as if nothing and no one can help. However, there are some common guidelines that can be an anchor to anyone who is suffering through loss. “Grief will take as long as it takes,” writes Rusty Berkus in To Heal Again: Towards Serenity and the Resolution of Grief. “There is no right way to grieve—there is just your way.” Death: Part of the Fabric of Life For centuries, death was woven into the fabric of life. People were born at home and died at home, and families and cultures developed rituals to help them deal with the loss. However, in the past century, as death moved into hospitals and mortuaries, people became more removed from death. For many people, this made the process of grieving and healing much more difficult. But we are coming back around to understanding. Books, grief counseling, the growth of the hospice movement and personal rituals all attest to the ways we are confronting death in new ways. Guidelines for Grieving On a personal level, losing someone we love can leave us lost and unsure of what to do next. Although there The Journey from Loss to Healing are no rules to the grieving process, there are guidelines that can make the journey easier. Grief falls into roughly four stages: shock and numbness; searching and yearning; disorientation and disorganization, and reorganization (or healing). During any of these stages:
Worrying may have a bad rep, but worrying, if it's done right, can actually be helpful. Effective worrying can anticipate and avoid problems, devise artful solutions, and expand creative possibilities. It leads to constructive action. On the other hand, ineffective worrying is what
keeps us awake at night, distracts us during the day and gives our physical systems a workout
they don't need. When you find yourself in bed at night, tossing and turning, plowing the same field again and again, you're in the midst of worry of the worst kind: self-perpetuating. The more you worry, the more stress chemicals feed back to the brain, telling it to worry more. If you find yourself mired in this worry bog, try some of these actions to put your worries to work for you:
As soon as something nudges us out of our regular routine, or challenges our understanding of how the world works and where we it into it, we’re likely to experience a deluge of feelings, including fear, anxiety, overwhelm, excitement, distraction or denial. In turn, those feelings can manifest
in behavior. You may, unconsciously, act out with aggressive or passive aggressive communication. You may push yourself to overwork or take the opposite approach and procrastinate, avoiding what’s on your plate. Your self-care may suffer. You may reach for unhealthy substances or behaviors, get less sleep, skip meals or overindulge. You might cut yourself off from friends and family and spend more time alone or with people who have unhealthy habits. The Impact Stress from both positive and negative change can have immediate and longterm effects. Stress inhibits digestion and absorption of nutrients, impairs your body’s ability to ward off germs, can cause insomnia and worsen preexisting health conditions. If you’re
also engaging in unhealthy behaviors and poor self-care, you’re at an even higher risk for illness or injury. Mental abilities can be affected, as well. When you’re preoccupied, worried and focused on the future instead of the present, it’s much harder to concentrate and/or apply your brainpower to what’s in front of you. Great leaders are admired for their serenity and confidence in the face of uncertainty. For many of us, though, when change is afoot, serenity is far from our reach. Instead, emotions are much closer to the surface and can flare up at inopportune times. Whether you lash out, cry or pound on your desk, it’s uncomfortable to feel out of control. How to Cope with Change Here are five strategies to help you face change:
Into every life change will come, but its lasting impact doesn’t have to be harmful. Change also has a way of opening new and rewarding doors. Bottom line, let change be the catalys for better self-care, which will feed you in all times, stable and uncertain. *
