For many people who have experienced a loss, holidays can be a very difficult time. "If only I can get through the holidays" is often a continued refrain during this season. In the roller coaster of grief, holidays are, for many people, a low point.
According to the Hospice Foundation of America, there are many reasons why the holidays can be so difficult. Kenneth Doka says the holidays are full of memories. We often pause to reflect on all the holiday experiences we've had, both good and bad. We remember all the people who have been part of our lives.
Second, holidays are not only times for past memories, but for fantasies of the present and future, as well. As we shop, we may see things that would be perfect gifts for the person who has died. We envision how that person would be so delighted when the gift is opened.
Third, holidays are stressful. There are so many things to do and so much to accomplish. In a time when one is already experiencing low energy, this can be overwhelming.
Finally, we can feel out of sorts with the season. Everyone seems so happy and cheerful; it is easy to feel alone. Recognizing that the holidays can be painful often helps ease that sense of isolation. We can acknowledge that this is a normal reaction to grief.
There are strategies to make holidays easier. They won't take your grief away, but they may help.
1. Be kind to yourself. Only do as much as you can comfortably manage. Honor your own feeling and needs.
2. Express your feelings. According to Judy Tatelbaum, the surest road through grief is to feel it, not deny it. When you are hurting, the best advice is cry if you need to cry.
3. Ask for what you need. If you want privacy or companionship or a shoulder to cry on, say so. Other people don't know how you feel unless you tell them. Helping you can be satisfying for someone else.
4. Don't overwhelm or over commit yourself. Give yourself a reprieve. Take time for yourself and take care of yourself. Take it slow and easy.
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